Sunday, September 27, 2009

Barbie - The Plastic Woman With Deformed Feet...

..Not to mention a lack of nipples or a belly button or any real genitalia. Yes, we all know who she is. I grew up with these dolls. My very first Barbie was I believe Hawaiian Barbie. She had tan skin and dark brown hair and eventually, I broke off her head and lost most of her clothing. Over time, I became the proud owner of several more Barbie dolls, a Barbie bed-room set, and even a few of Barbie's friends (Ken, Skipper, and Stacy.) I can't exactly remember what kind of games I played (I do recall re-enacting the Star Wars garbage compactor scene a lot), but I realize that they definitely skewed my idea of what life would be like in my later years. Somehow I developed the notion that I would grow up to be this blonde, blue-eyed, white beauty with all kinds of luxuries, a blonde, white man by my side and together we'd have white, blonde children. Why the hell I was so deluded for a while there is beyond me, but that's just how it was. I'd like to say Barbie is at least partially to blame for this. After all, she (or perhaps more to the point, her makers) are the same brain trusts behind the "Colored Francie" Barbie doll of 1967 and the "Oreo Barbie" (so you know, they wouldn't seem too racist... right?), the Teen Talk Barbie that proudly proclaimed things like "Will we ever have enough clothes?!" and "Math class is tough!", the "Share A Smile Becky" doll in a wheelchair too big to fit in to Barbie's mansion, and even a Barbie with a "tramp stamp" that has Ken's name on it. It's obvious Barbie has never really had real women or real girls in mind. Anyone with even a slight bit of intelligence can see she sets unrealistic expectations for everyone, my childhood self included.

But anyway... the point is this most famous of little girls' playthings is now getting her own movie. Not only that, but apparently it's going to be live-action! I don't really know how I feel about this. No, I do. It's ridiculous. We seriously don't need any more Barbie crap shoved down our throats, and more importantly, down our daughters throats. I don't know if I would ever buy a potential daughter of mine a Barbie doll. Maybe if she really asked for it, and then i'd have to make sure she has plenty of other toys. I'm really just curious to see who is cast as Barbie. Megan Fox? No... she has black hair. And she's probably too tan for the role, hrm. Guess we'll have to see. Can't begin to imagine what the plot of the film will be. Start pitching your ideas now! Who do you want as the new "Real" Barbie?

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